


There's Something To Living

by orphan_account



Category: Infinity War/Endgame, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, And The Russos Can Fuck My Toes, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Emotional, Endgame Can Suck My Ass, I'm just going for it, IDC if this is possible in any Marvel canon, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, One Shot, Other, Peter Has Scars Now, Peter Parker Has a Family, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), This is very long for a drabble/oneshot but whatevs, kind of introspective?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:22:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23942284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Peter Parker during the last fight with Thanos, and Peter Parker afterwards.
Relationships: (IMPLIED), May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Ned Leeds/Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Academic Decathlon Team (Spider-Man: Homecoming), Peter Parker & Flash Thompson, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 1
Kudos: 224





	There's Something To Living

**Author's Note:**

> There's so much more I could add onto this, but I can't think of anything, which is why it's in the series it is. Maybe someday I'll get the motivation :)

Peter gets ahold of the gauntlet, tears off an infinity stone, and fights through the screams, pain, and sobs escaping him to crush the damned thing. If all else fails, he'll throw it into space where Thanos hopefully won't get it for a while. Deweaponize the gauntlet, everyone else takes down Thanos; no harm no foul. 

His body is being torn to shreds, put back together, and being ripped apart again. It's rinse and repeat and he thinks this is worse, so much worse than being dusted. He closes his eyes, still able to see the battlefield and bodies behind his eyelids, and ignores it. He focuses all his energy on crushing whichever fucking stone he grabbed. 

It's several long, miserable, painful moments that seem to last hours later, but eventually Peter thinks he feels the stone crack. And then...

It crumbles into his hands. Peter opens his fist immediately, kneeling on the ground and heaving in huge, gasping breaths. He presses his hand to his chest as he stares at the ground, not really focusing on it. 

He allows himself a few more breaths before looking around him. 

There's fights everywhere, a somewhat circle around him and the gauntlet that is still lying beside him. Peter glances at it, and disgust fills him. Anger fills him. Fear fills him. Needs, wants, revenge, justice - responsibility fills him. 

He inhales deeply and steels himself. No one needs this much power - never should have had it in the first place. 

Peter lifts up the gauntlet again, and pulls himself onto shaking legs, still needing breath, but he’s panting rather than gasping now. 

He hesitates. 

He looks around the battlefield again and he hardens his resolve once more. 

Mind set, he takes the gauntlet in between both hands and starts squeezing, crushing. 

He thinks he can hear people yelling at him, but all his focus is on the gauntlet and his thoughts. 

He thinks that if he had this power, he would bring back everyone that died due to the snaps. He keeps thinking it in hope that if the stones still have any power, they'll hear it and make things right again. 

They don't hear him, but Peter crushes them to dust anyway, cushioning the crushing stones between the folds of warped metal so he never has to go through the pain of holding an Infinity Stone again. 

And he hopes no one else ever will either. 

He crushes and squeezes and molds until all he has is a tiny, misshapen, golden metal ball. He takes a deep, gasping breath again, before turning to where there's the least enemies. He rears back his arm and throws it up and away with his full strength. 

Peter thinks he sees it leave the atmosphere, but he isn't sure. 

He doesn't care either. 

He collapses to the ground, more mentally exhausted than anything. He sits and pulls his knees to his chest, eyes glazing over as he looks at the dirt patch in front of him. 

He can hear the battle still going around him, but he doesn't get up. He knows the battle is slowing and that everyone will be alright. 

They're fighting for nothing anyways, now that the stones are gone. 

Never to come back into existence if Peter had any say in it. 

He can sit here and breathe. 

Peter doesn't know if he fell asleep, blacked out, fainted, zoned out or what, but eventually there's a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

Peter stands up and whirls around to meet whoever it was, hands about to fly into a defense position, when he sees just who it is. 

Peter smiles and sobs all at the same time, lunging for his mentor. 

The man doesn't complain and hugs back, equally tired. 

There are no comforting words, no bad news, no "I'm glad"s, no nothing for a few moments. They just stand there, taking in the moment, the fact that they're alive, the fact that they  _ can  _ hug. 

Tony pulls away first, giving Peter a watery smile and a pat on the shoulder. 

"You did good, Peter. You did great. I'm - fuck, you saved the universe. Proud can't cut it." Peter just smiles his own, just as watery, back at him. An understanding crosses both of them. 

No words needed right now. 

"Home," Peter says, happy, exhausted, and satisfied. 

"Home," Tony agrees with a nod and a sparkle in his eyes. 

Peter didn't get off scot free, unfortunately, but no one did. He got a few gashes he was sure were going to scar, and from holding a stone, he definitely got scars from the most... often ripped apart places. His face looks a little mangled now, as does everything else. Little and large squares, triangles, sharp shapes litter his body. The scars aren't too obvious, just white lines, but there's no real hiding them. 

Peter doesn't mind. They're proof he helped, no, saved people. Proof he's useful, capable, did what he could, and allowed for life. For second chances, first chances - every chance hereafter and in between. People may not know it at the moment, may not ever know it was partly due to him, but he would know, and that's all that mattered. 

Maybe Ned, too, if he was dusted alongside him. 

And MJ. 

Peter looks around the compound that should, by all means, be empty and dark at three o’ clock in the fucking morning. Instead it's bright, loud and full. People are crying for all the good and bad reasons, getting drunk for the same. Laughter echoes throughout every in and out, nook and cranny. Some people are dancing, avoiding all the damage that's still there from the battle. There's different songs playing from different devices around the rooms. A few people trip on the rubble and their friends laugh and help them up. No one's eyes aren't bloodshot, everyone has bandages, but Peter smiles all the same as he looks around the room. 

He helped make sure they could do this. If he could drink, he'd be toasting the hell to all of them and everything else, thanking every deity he can think of and then some for this opportunity, this chance, to live - to have a life. 

For a moment nothing touches this bubble of life. Pure, unadulterated life, bleeding through every corner, bouncing off every wall. 

Peter decides he can look for his friends tomorrow; tonight, he flops on one of the many couches and falls asleep to the sounds of humanity - of people, of friends, of family - of life. 

The smile doesn't leave his face until it's far into the night. 

Peter wakes up with a gasp, and he pats all down his right side, checking that he's all still there, not floating away into dust nor breaking apart into pieces like a dropped porcelain doll. No building on top of him, no alien planet, no battle, no drowning, no criminals. 

He sighs in relief and flops back, forearm resting on his forehead. He closes his eyes and focuses on breathing for a moment. 

Light floods into the room, highlighting all the people quietly mingling around and those who are sleeping (or passed out). It's well into the day, but Peter is tired still. He feels like he needs just a little bit more sleep, so he turns into the couch's back and curls up. 

He falls back asleep eventually. 

The next time he wakes it's much louder, and most people are waking up right now too. 

Seems like it's breakfast. 

At two in the afternoon, but those are just details. 

Peter yawns and sits up, stretching his arms above his head and wincing when he hears a few pops. He drops his arms back to his sides, taking in the scenes around him. 

Peter has never been more thankful to wake up to a bunch of hungover adults. 

He smiles and makes his way to the kitchen, where some people are scavenging for food too. Peter is in a good mood right now, so he settles on making a sandwich instead of eating cereal. 

He nearly cries during the process because, wow, he fully appreciates being able to go through the somewhat tedious monotony of making a sandwich. 

Then he does cry as he takes his first bite; nothing has ever tasted better. 

He garners a few odd looks, but they all got shitfaced last night and cried over less, so most just shrug and leave him to his odd combination of sobbing, smiling, and eating a now salty sandwich. 

Tony walks in for a coffee refill, sees Peter happily sobbing through his sandwich, and fondly shakes his head, a smile evident on his face. 

"Mr. Stark," Peter sobs and grins widely at Tony. Tony grins back as he pours coffee. 

"Yeah, kid?" Peter sobs again. 

"Thank you for - for everything." Tony sets down his coffee cup and suddenly he's got an armful of spider. 

"I love you, Mr. Stark. I love you and I'm sorry I left and oh my god I love that sandwich, it's so good you should have some. I love it and this compound and everything and everyone," Peter sobs into Tony's chest and Tony just holds him tight, smiling brightly. 

"Me too, bud. Me too. And don't tell the sandwich, but I love you too." Peter lets out a wet laugh as if he just told the best joke ever, and Tony's grin grows. 

Yeah, it was nice to be alive. Be somewhat whole again. To live. 

"NED!" Peter shrieks into the hall, tears already freely flowing. 

"PETER!" The two weave their way to each other through the other reunions, and Peter has no doubts or second thoughts when he kisses Ned on the cheek and then pulls him in for a tight hug. 

They sob, clinging to each other like lifelines, and Peter barely keeps his superstrength at bay. 

"I missed you, man," Ned says, heartful and genuine. 

"I missed you too," Peter replies in like, content smile on his face as he buries his face into Ned's shoulder. 

"You have got to tell me everything dude. No way those scars aren't from some epic battle," Ned says lightly, probably to distract from the fact they're both still crying and to fill the need for normalcy. Peter doesn't mind. 

"Yeah, sure dude. I'll tell you man, no one is ever getting their hands on those damned stones again. I guarantee it."

"Good," is all Ned says and they spend a few more moments in their embrace. 

Familiar footsteps sound near the pair. 

"Hey losers," a voice says, choked up. Peter whirls around, leaving Ned's embrace but still standing close enough to his side that he's practically melting into Ned's arm. 

"MJ!" Peter sobs and doesn't think about Michelle's cold exterior or any of her many many ways she would probably reject if he asked, and he practically dives for her. One moment he's by Ned, the next he's clinging onto Michelle and dragging her, while still hugging, mind you, over to Ned. 

The trio hug, and sob, and cling, not really caring the three haven't ever been this close before. 

"Would now be a good time to tell you two I'm pretty sure Peter's Spider-Man?" Michelle says through a sob as she wipes her eyes on her sleeve. Peter laughs, because of course she knows, and Ned grins at her like she just hung the moon. 

"How'd you know?" Ned asks as Peter looks at her expectantly, still smiling, still sobbing. 

It's okay though, because everyone else is too. 

The bell rings far later than it usually does, and it still isn't enough time. If teachers notice the classes aren't full of their assigned students and instead tightly knit pairs and groups, they don't say anything. 

No seating charts and pretty much nothing but sobbing and a stack of papers detailing course materials fills every class. 

It's first period and Peter never thought he'd be so happy, so relieved to see Flash. They accidentally made eye contact and Peter cheerfully grinned at him, almost walking over to hug him too. Flash looks thrown for a half second, offering an awkward wave and half smile, before turning back to his own group of friends. 

Peter uses the first period to tell his friends everything, save for some choice details related to the stench of blood and bodies. Their voices aren't as quiet as Peter would've liked, but he doesn't mind as everyone is too wrapped up in their own moments. 

His friends are nothing but supportive, interested, excited, understanding, and they say nothing about his new scars. 

Peter almost cries at lunch over food again, because humanity is so amazing. How did they ever come up with tomato soup!

He finds a hair in his grilled cheese and is a little less amazed, but remains overall undeterred. 

Peter even goes to the decathlon meeting after school. 

"Hey guys, I actually made it to a meet," Peter says when he walks in a little late, and he can feel his eyes already welling up with tears yet again. 

He's greeted back with a few chuckles, laughs, possibly some sobs, and some verbal greetings. 

No one mentions his fancy new scarring, no one asks why he's crying, no one points out how Michelle lets him hold his hand (Ned's hand is in his other), and he's eternally grateful to instead focus on boring and mundane details and requirements for the club. He happily participates in the stupid name games he used to loathe - and still secretly does, but that doesn't come to him right now, not when he's just so happy to be alive, godammit - and has no problem demonstrating a few rounds with his old teammates, and some new ones, for the new members. 

He goes out as Spider-Man almost immediately after school, staying just long enough to hug Ned and Michelle, setting off with a cheery "I love you so much" to both of them, uncaring if it's perceived as platonic or not. 

Then he runs off to find a cozy alleyway, and he's not even mad about how bad it smells or all that paranoid about someone seeing him change (that last one's a lie, but he's in such a great mood right now that he'd probably just shake whoever's hand and swing off). 

He’s both happy and sad, because the crime rates have gone up in his absence, but there's also so many people back. 

Peter thinks the good kind of outweighs the bad right now, because for every mugger there's someone excitedly pointing at him or tweeting about how Spider-Man is back. For every scowl someone else is reunited with their family and friends. 

He was offered so many free corn dogs today he could probably feed a whole apartment complex. 

He goes home to May, sobbing into her arms yet again. 

It's late, but Peter calls Ned and Michelle anyway and they stay awake far later than they should've on a school night, happily chatting about anything and everything. 

Things settle down eventually, but are different, as to be expected. People stare at his scars sometimes, Flash teases him less, Peter makes sure not a day goes by without letting his friends and family know that he loves them, some teachers are ruder than they were five years ago. Spider-Man is needed more than ever with the crime rates, the police try to arrest him less, people are more trigger happy, and people keep trying to thank him for all he's done. 

It is what it is. 

Peter visits Mr. Delmar's again, and him and Mr. Delmar both pretend they aren't happy to see each other. 

They both pretend they didn't hear Delmar saying something about May again. 

Peter doesn't mind, just this once, because it's something normal, something precious. 

He'll ask about his daughter again next time he says something like that though. 

It's about a month after the final battle with Thanos when everyone is pretty much settled in and recuperating. That's when they drop the press conference detailing how everything went down and how the stones should never come back. 

The Avengers, Spider-Man, Wakandan officials, and anyone else they could get is gathered, and Peter's never been asked so many questions in his life. 

They end up having to roleplay preschool, except Peter is the teacher and all the children like to ignore him and talk over each other to ask their questions. 

Peter only calls on raised hands, much to their annoyance. 

Ned says that the press conference was cool and asks him about it, Michelle makes a few passing comments about society and oppression, but slips him a rare smile when Ned says Peter did well, seemingly agreeing with Ned. 

Life goes on. 

Lab days dissolve into something more personal, and Peter works on things other than his suit when he and Tony aren't goofing off somewhere. 

They grow closer, and they're finally "there", where they can hug and not pass it off as opening a car door. 

Peter laughed at Tony's embarrassment when he brought it up one day. 

Peter has opened up to the adults in his life a lot more, and he's finally got it balanced so he leaves school less and even makes it to decathlon practices more often than not. 

Tony gives Peter a pair of expensive looking sunglasses that he's seen in the lab a few times before (always hastily shoved into a drawer whenever Tony realized Peter had arrived). As if that's not good enough, Tony also put an AI in them, named EDITH. (Peter doesn’t like what the name stands for, the implications.)

Peter cries, thanks Tony, and tells him how much he loves him again. 

They ditch the lab for a movie night that Morgan and Pepper join in on. 

They're on a field trip to Europe for yet another great year of decathlon, and right before it Peter hung up on Nick Fury. 

Who then decided to hijack the field trip, and now their bus is nice and blue and not ratty and yellow. 

The question has been a long time coming, Peter knows. He sees it in the eyes of his classmates, who turn away at the last second. Recognizes it in the way their lips change from hanging open with aborted words, instead closing into an apologetic smile before they too turn away. As if Peter doesn't know what they want to ask. 

The question is sprung on the field trip, when they're on the bus with a SHIELD agent that Peter has been trying to quietly look up via EDITH. 

"Peter, how'd you get those scars?" is all it took for silence to overtake the bus, all heads turning towards the back, awaiting his answer. 

Peter gave them it in the form of a tight, grim smile. 

"Sorry, but I can't tell you." In his peripheral, he can see the agent watching through the mirror. 

"It was totally awesome though!" Ned reassures them, and Peter chuckles. 

"Sure Ned." Ned turns to him like Peter just said he kinda hated himself, because he's got that resolved, set look in his eyes that tells Peter he's probably about to get a speech to boost his confidence and reassure him. 

Peter couldn't have asked for a better friend. 

"But it was! I mean, you saved-" Peter gently clamps a hand over Ned's mouth before he can reveal everything. 

Ned sighs behind Peter's hand and he lets go. 

"Thanks Ned, I mean it," Peter tells him, truly meaning it, because whatever speech Ned was about to tell him was guaranteed to be great. "Lay it on me when we're at the hotel though."

"I know, sorry," Ned says sheepishly. Peter pats his thigh. 

"I know dude, I know."

They spend the rest of the bus ride ignoring theories about Peter's scars and who/what he saved, instead focusing on hacking every database and server to try and figure out who the fuck is driving the bus. 

Michelle tells them to stop thinking so hard, she can hear it all the way over from her seat across the aisle. They apologize and she waves them off with fond amusement and a scoff. 

She rolls her eyes at them when they whoop and high five at finding out the guy's name. 

Brad tries to talk to Michelle several times, which all end in her deadpanning to him something very dark without looking up from her book. 

Peter and Ned laugh at his deflated, confused, horrified, and slightly disgusted reactions each time. 

Brad glares at them. 

They snicker. 

Michelle reads. 

Brad turns away, flopping back into his seat with disappointment. 

Ned and Peter continue researching the bus driver. 

Brad opens his mouth again. 

Rinse and repeat, several times. 

Michelle eventually tells him to fuck off. 

Brad is offended. Ned and Peter are in stitches. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is called "Sister Snapped" in my Google Docs :P


End file.
